I was confirming for a friend that the song "I Shot the Sheriff" was by Bob Marley originally, and not Eric Clapton.
According to wikipedia, there are three cover versions of the song in Swedish, Ukrainian, and German.
The Swedish and German ones are pretty close (as far as title is concerned), but when I glanced over the Ukrainian one, it read "Who've shitted in the police car".
Oh those wacky Ukrainians!
Did you know Mila Kunis, that chick from That 70's Show and the voice of Meg from Family Guy is Ukrainian? Did you know she learned English from watching TV? Meditate on that.
And since we're on the subject of Babblefish-worthy translations, I was in Germany years ago in a video store, and there, on the shelf, was the film What Planet Are You From? with Gary Shandling and Annette Benning, although their English translated title was Good Vibrations.
If you haven't seen the movie, Shandling plays an alien who comes to earth to impregnate a human woman and his penis vibrates because apparently aliens didn't take into account what ET penis would do if it got a human erection.
So if you meet a man who's member mumbles, be careful, he might be an alien trying to impregnate you with his otherworldly juices. Or, more likely, he's got one of those little vibrating eggs on the underside of his dick and that's just how he rolls.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
HAHAHAHA.....but seriously folks....
I went to my LJ account today, and there was an ad block to the right, and I just had to click it. I had to. You understand. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, right?
Mod Cloth is a cute website that is chock-full of LOLS CLOTHES! The header for the front page is "Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes."
In it, you will find very good replicas of Bo Derek's "bow" shorts
An outfit that features TWO (count them) TWO pairs of boxers that you wear together to create an outfit dubbed the "Emerald Isle Romper"!
And the "Superhero Metallic Bra"
In Silver!
Amongst other many other amusing items.
In addition to said amusing items, I also found on the same website something truly worth my money and YOUR time.
SPACE INVADERS ICE TRAY MOULDS!
OMG!
And they're ten bucks. They're worth it. Buy them. I know I will, and I'll make Jell-O shots with them too!
Mod Cloth is a cute website that is chock-full of LOLS CLOTHES! The header for the front page is "Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes."
In it, you will find very good replicas of Bo Derek's "bow" shorts
An outfit that features TWO (count them) TWO pairs of boxers that you wear together to create an outfit dubbed the "Emerald Isle Romper"!
And the "Superhero Metallic Bra"
In Silver!
Amongst other many other amusing items.
In addition to said amusing items, I also found on the same website something truly worth my money and YOUR time.
SPACE INVADERS ICE TRAY MOULDS!
OMG!
And they're ten bucks. They're worth it. Buy them. I know I will, and I'll make Jell-O shots with them too!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
As with most internet social networking organisms, I usually jump onto the bandwagon late.
I was late with Live Journal and Myspace, having created accounts long after everyone else had, by which time it became no big deal and I liked it that way.
I have yet to find any remotely supportive evidence as to why I need to have a Facebook account, it seems pointless when compared to what I already use.
Live Journal is really just for talking, like this "blogspot" thing is.
Myspace is good for finding people you haven't spoken to in years (and probably don't really care to anyways but you're curious to see if they popped out two kids and divorced their high school sweetheart).
But Twitter? What the hell, people? You get message updates from a social network interface when people update their social network interface? Do you really need to know when someone posts a new entry that is probably about nothing important? Is it so imperative to find out RIGHT NOW as opposed to maybe later? Do you have to be that "in the know" all the time to feel like the day is normal?
Or are you so bored with your time and you just don't know what to do with yourself that you find it "mildly interesting" to see what others are doing instead?
Read a newspaper, read a magazine, I don't know!
Bunch of morons.
Fuck Twitter.
I was late with Live Journal and Myspace, having created accounts long after everyone else had, by which time it became no big deal and I liked it that way.
I have yet to find any remotely supportive evidence as to why I need to have a Facebook account, it seems pointless when compared to what I already use.
Live Journal is really just for talking, like this "blogspot" thing is.
Myspace is good for finding people you haven't spoken to in years (and probably don't really care to anyways but you're curious to see if they popped out two kids and divorced their high school sweetheart).
But Twitter? What the hell, people? You get message updates from a social network interface when people update their social network interface? Do you really need to know when someone posts a new entry that is probably about nothing important? Is it so imperative to find out RIGHT NOW as opposed to maybe later? Do you have to be that "in the know" all the time to feel like the day is normal?
Or are you so bored with your time and you just don't know what to do with yourself that you find it "mildly interesting" to see what others are doing instead?
Read a newspaper, read a magazine, I don't know!
Bunch of morons.
Fuck Twitter.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Crank 2: High Voltage
Did you see the first "Crank" movie? Remember? That one with Jason Statham (the Transporter guy) who has to keep his adrenaline up so that he doesn't die?
Did you like it?
No, really, did you really like it, or was it just "a pretty okay flick"?
If you really liked it, if you enjoyed the humor and whimsical, cartooney action sequences, complete with google maps and odd sound effects, (oh, and don't forget titties), then go see the second one.
It's full of more explosions, more titties, more off-color racist stereotype jokes, more awesome, and if you're a fan of David Carradine, he shows up as a hilarious cameo.
Also--if you're a Godzilla fan--there's something special in this film for you, too!
See? All-around good wholesome fun for everyone!
...everyone who can laugh at a stripper's implants leaking out from gunshot wounds, that is.
Did you like it?
No, really, did you really like it, or was it just "a pretty okay flick"?
If you really liked it, if you enjoyed the humor and whimsical, cartooney action sequences, complete with google maps and odd sound effects, (oh, and don't forget titties), then go see the second one.
It's full of more explosions, more titties, more off-color racist stereotype jokes, more awesome, and if you're a fan of David Carradine, he shows up as a hilarious cameo.
Also--if you're a Godzilla fan--there's something special in this film for you, too!
See? All-around good wholesome fun for everyone!
...everyone who can laugh at a stripper's implants leaking out from gunshot wounds, that is.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Jason X
So I was enjoying some good bad movie time with Jason X, a particularly horrible horror film.
When I first saw this film (yes, I did see it in theaters, believe it or not), I raised a question that I haven't spoken about for some time. After seeing the movie again, it prompted me that I needed to bitch about it.
The film starts off with Jason chained up in the center of a room, seemingly catatonic due to being injected with something (as seen in the intro credits). Either way, means it's safe, right?
So they say they got him prepped for cryogenic sleep because they've "tried everything. Electrocution, gassing, firing squad, we even hanged him!"
May I just say for the record that is NOT EVERYTHING!
Why didn't they dismember him? Hack him off in pieces, burn the pieces, call it good? Hell, why didn't somebody just decapitate the fucker? Or better yet, has ANYONE in their right damn mind EVER thought to just blow him up with grenades or something?
I mean, it's not like they were worried about being humane with this guy or anything, no, not at all, not if they've already fried him, snuffed him, given him the lead salad, and squeezed all the air out of his lungs.
You'd think they'd have no problem trying a few other methods, just maybe?
Let me see, I believe, however, there is a real case of one man who holds the title of the "why won't you just die" award. Rasputin. Poisoned, shot four times in the back, beaten severely, and then because he was found with his arms upwards with his hands clawed liked he was scraping his way out, and water was found in his lungs, it turns out that he drowned, too.
When have you NOT seen dismemberment work? Seriously. Any story, works every time. As long as you follow the steps and keep the pieces separated while you burn them individually. But seriously. DISSECTION IS KEY!
When I first saw this film (yes, I did see it in theaters, believe it or not), I raised a question that I haven't spoken about for some time. After seeing the movie again, it prompted me that I needed to bitch about it.
The film starts off with Jason chained up in the center of a room, seemingly catatonic due to being injected with something (as seen in the intro credits). Either way, means it's safe, right?
So they say they got him prepped for cryogenic sleep because they've "tried everything. Electrocution, gassing, firing squad, we even hanged him!"
May I just say for the record that is NOT EVERYTHING!
Why didn't they dismember him? Hack him off in pieces, burn the pieces, call it good? Hell, why didn't somebody just decapitate the fucker? Or better yet, has ANYONE in their right damn mind EVER thought to just blow him up with grenades or something?
I mean, it's not like they were worried about being humane with this guy or anything, no, not at all, not if they've already fried him, snuffed him, given him the lead salad, and squeezed all the air out of his lungs.
You'd think they'd have no problem trying a few other methods, just maybe?
Let me see, I believe, however, there is a real case of one man who holds the title of the "why won't you just die" award. Rasputin. Poisoned, shot four times in the back, beaten severely, and then because he was found with his arms upwards with his hands clawed liked he was scraping his way out, and water was found in his lungs, it turns out that he drowned, too.
When have you NOT seen dismemberment work? Seriously. Any story, works every time. As long as you follow the steps and keep the pieces separated while you burn them individually. But seriously. DISSECTION IS KEY!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Film "Knowing" with Nicholas Cage
Saw it last night. Good film, you should give it a chance.
If you were interested in seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still with Keanu Reeves and found it not nearly as exciting as you'd hoped, then you might be in the same boat I was when I went to see Knowing.
It turns out there is much more going on in Knowing, lots of action, some really good special effects involving the disasters that occur in the film, and Nic Cage does a fine job in his role as a depressed alcoholic father. Also, the end is satisfying, neat, and offers a relatively fresh idea on a few subjects. I won't spoil it, go see it for yourself.
Overall, I'd give it 3.75 / 5.
If you were interested in seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still with Keanu Reeves and found it not nearly as exciting as you'd hoped, then you might be in the same boat I was when I went to see Knowing.
It turns out there is much more going on in Knowing, lots of action, some really good special effects involving the disasters that occur in the film, and Nic Cage does a fine job in his role as a depressed alcoholic father. Also, the end is satisfying, neat, and offers a relatively fresh idea on a few subjects. I won't spoil it, go see it for yourself.
Overall, I'd give it 3.75 / 5.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Creme Brulé
I went to one of my favorite restaurants tonight, the dessert special was coconut creme brulé. Eating this reminded me of a rant I thought I'd share with the internet.
It occurred to me that the wiggly, almost gelatinous (without actually having any gelatin) texture of creme brulé is very similar the texture of fat on animals. This got me thinking: what if it was actually delicately warmed fat with a fine crust layer on top?
I know what you're saying: "that's gross, it's not animal fat, duh, it's just cream and burned sugar, you're stupid, where the hell are you going with this?"
Well, imagine if unicorns existed. You'd think that such a magical creature would probably taste damn good, being so magical, that is. Well, we all know that the younger the animal, the more tender and pliant the meat is. With that said, I'd like you think about baby unicorns, and how magically delicious they would taste, too.
In conclusion: I believe that all creme brulé is fashioned from the fat of baby unicorns, because nothing that sweet and jiggly could come from anything else but the best!
It occurred to me that the wiggly, almost gelatinous (without actually having any gelatin) texture of creme brulé is very similar the texture of fat on animals. This got me thinking: what if it was actually delicately warmed fat with a fine crust layer on top?
I know what you're saying: "that's gross, it's not animal fat, duh, it's just cream and burned sugar, you're stupid, where the hell are you going with this?"
Well, imagine if unicorns existed. You'd think that such a magical creature would probably taste damn good, being so magical, that is. Well, we all know that the younger the animal, the more tender and pliant the meat is. With that said, I'd like you think about baby unicorns, and how magically delicious they would taste, too.
In conclusion: I believe that all creme brulé is fashioned from the fat of baby unicorns, because nothing that sweet and jiggly could come from anything else but the best!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
A Website to Remind Us All Just How Poor We Really Are
Born Rich is a clever site that reports the latest and greatest updates in the world of the elite, chronicling the production of fancy consumer goods such as fountain pens for $1,500, wedding dresses made of over 2,000 peacock feathers, $7,000 wooden chairs that feature acoustic harp massage therapy, and my personal favorite:
The Radio Flyer, Cloud 9 Edition.
This baby's got brakes, 5-point harness safety belts, cup holders, a digital reader that tracks temperature, speed, and distance, even a dock for an mp3 player. Believe it or not, there's more! Click that link above if you really want to know what $1,000 can buy you, aside from your child/children's unconditional love and happiness, of course :)
The Radio Flyer, Cloud 9 Edition.
This baby's got brakes, 5-point harness safety belts, cup holders, a digital reader that tracks temperature, speed, and distance, even a dock for an mp3 player. Believe it or not, there's more! Click that link above if you really want to know what $1,000 can buy you, aside from your child/children's unconditional love and happiness, of course :)
Friday, April 3, 2009
It's a FACT!
More bullets were fired in Starship Troopers than any other movie ever made.
However, the credit for the most bullets shot per minute of a movie goes to The Gauntlet, with Clint Eastwood.
However, the credit for the most bullets shot per minute of a movie goes to The Gauntlet, with Clint Eastwood.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Random Photo of the Day
The day your car gets rabies and starts attacking people might be time to think about getting a new set of wheels.
Don't let this happen to you, folks--make sure that all your vehicles have their shots!
In case you're wondering--it's in German, and it says "Please drive slowly."
Don't let this happen to you, folks--make sure that all your vehicles have their shots!
In case you're wondering--it's in German, and it says "Please drive slowly."
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Looks Like the Coast Is Clear
So, the terrifying hacker worm known as "Conficker C" ....never showed.
You know what that means?
APRIL FOOLS!
Get it? Hackers did an April Fool's joke. Computers did not collapse time and space. Our bank accounts are safe! Our homes are secure!
You know what that means?
APRIL FOOLS!
Get it? Hackers did an April Fool's joke. Computers did not collapse time and space. Our bank accounts are safe! Our homes are secure!
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