Confused and Amused: Vidja Ennartaynment!

So, I've recently noticed an upswing in discovering weird, hilarious, horrible random crap.  While this is not news to you, it is news to me, since I realized that my video cache has not only become fat and happy, it's also recovering from it's fourth triple bypass heart surgery from excessive lolz.  Honestly, I don't know how I find and watch all of this stuff without losing sanity points to the Great Devourer Lord Cthulhu--then again perhaps I'm just too damn peppy to get drowned by my own addiction for life-wasting media.  I'm sure only time will tell.  Anyhow, let's get to the subject at hand!

Megadeth - Hangar 18 -- In case you're not familiar with it, "Hangar 18" is the hangar in Dayton, Ohio where E.T.'s hubcaps are being stored after they were lifted off his space pod from the Roswell landing in 1947.  Magically, the video actually coincides with the song's lyrics quite well.  The band rock out in their leftover long, flowing 80's doo's (this came out in 1990), surrounded by the military bringing in aliens of all shapes and sizes, including one ugly cute one and one that has the body of a woman with some ghetto-Borg face mask on.  You do get to see a full shot of her bare back, but discouragingly, you only get to see underside boobage when you see that the makeup guys threw some "metal" things on her chest and called it good.  This video will take you back, and most likely make you shake your head.  Upside: you'll re-enjoy listening to songs like "99 Ways to Die."

Goldfrapp - Alive -- I love Goldfrapp, and yet I didn't know there was a video to this song, and when I saw this video, I lol'd.  Hard.  Needless to say, pretending you're Olivia Newton John performing "Physical" with a black metal rainbow twist is awesome.  And pretty.  In fact, it's pretty fucking awesome.  Imagine if Dimmu Borgir suddenly got a wild hair up their asses and decided to do Broadway.  Imagine if they took it one step further and had RAINBOW BLOOD!!!!  ...Watch the video already.

Kool Keith - Dick Towel -- Exactly as the name implies--but not as crude as you'd think it might be.  Or maybe my sense of humor is mutating like a 1950's spaceman: fast track to horrifying walking-talking cheese.  Anyhow, not only is this catchy, it's true to life, yo, so you best be appreciatin' what's doin', else I might have to get serious.  Did I mention that this is also an honest rap video?  Kool Keith, you get a phat cookie for this piece of genius.

Stjepan Hauser and Luka Sulic - Smooth Criminal -- CELLO FACE OFF!  No seriously.  Loosely, the video opens up with a guy looking at a girl and I think getting upset that she's with this other guy.  Quite quickly the video goes from them launching into a slow-mo-homo fight (cause seriously, anytime you take a fight scene and slow it down, it just looks like foreplay) and suddenly cutting to the two of them sitting across from each other and duking it out through their cello rendition of Michael Jackson' "Smooth Criminal."  Freaking awesome, and while some people say they're not as cool looking as Apocalyptica, who cares, they rock their instruments pretty damn well if you ask me.  And then the video goes back to the slow-mo-homo fight scene, and then the girl stops them. But the meat of the video is a savory dish indeed!

America's Got Talet - Busty Hart -- So, trying to look beyond the scope of this show's improper use of grammar (it should be 'America has' in case you weren't sure), sometimes, it truly has its moments where you say with a lackluster tone and a dry smile, "Yeah....*sigh* yeah....that's America all right."  What I want to know is how "Busty" figured out she could do this in the first place.  Did she trip at a BBQ party and land on the drink table?  Was she really hammered at a bar?  Did someone tell her to give it a try on a dare?  Who knows.  At the very least, she makes impressions wherever she goes.

I just facepalmed at my own joke.  Damn, I'm gettin' good at this here writin' thang!

Ajdar - çikita muz -- If you listen closely, what he is saying is actually what it sounds like.  The song is called "Chiquita Banana" in English, and it turns out the Turkish equivalent is very close. Well at least the "Chiquita" part is.  Why he is dancing with radishes in addition to several bananas, I don't know.  I do know that "muz" (banana in Turkish) rhymes with the Turkish word for ice, which is "buz" and the song has a lyric that is along the lines of "my heart will turn to ice without you" or something like that.   I think what can be inferred here is that the singer is calling the desired woman his "Chiquita" as a pet name.   So the next time a handsome Turk gives you a banana on a date, it's his way of saying he loves you.

Steklovata - Steklovata -- Tween boy band Steklovata are a cute little Russian duo who sing with groovy beats that make you bop your head like you're listening to a synth hip hop jam straight from 1992.  To complete the mood of the music, one of the boys is dressed like Vanilla Ice if he were five, adorned in a weird red and black shirt that opens across his clavicle at a diagonal angle, gold pants and a leather baseball cap that is, of course, positioned sideways, as only a true artist would ever see fit to do.  The other is wearing a Wrangler t-shirt and has a bright-eyed clueless sweet look on his face while he sings.  It's really precious.  I encourage you to take a look at their official website and check out the cute flower field banner!

Steklovata - Noviy Noviy God -- So good, you gotta have more.  This tune, definitely more Christmas-y (note the sweaters grandma bought them all for the holiday season one year), features two older, taller, creepy guys standing behind the now slightly older Ruski duo.  Everyone looks uncomfortable, but despite that, the music's cheery disposition has enough head-boppin' beat to make you feel like you're in a fluffy white wonderland full of gingerbread men and candy canes.    They sing awkwardly, one of the older guys shakes his head as if he knows how ridiculous this whole thing is, and the other one is near catatonic in his expressions.  Speaking of catatonic, I insist you watch the Swedish tribute version that four random dudes lipsync to amidst a similar background and equally similar grandmas's house-worthy sweaters.  The guy on the far left barely sings along, and by his expressions, its painfully obvious that this was not his idea and he's pissed to be there.  The others all have this peculiar look on their faces like they must have thought it was a good idea at the time, and when they finally went ahead and did it, they realized how bad of an idea it was--in mid song.  Totally made of win.

F.U.S.B.I. - Come On Back -- To end today's excruciatingly long (but I hope entertaining?) post, I give you this true gem.  The super happy Asian keyboardist, the beret-wearing bassist (who suddenly appears shirtless out of nowhere later in the video), Meatloaf's dad on guitar, and a big burly man wearing an American flag bandanna.  The tune is catchy in that "well, I can see they're really trying, but they're not there yet" kind of way.  They have only this one song and video, and a rather quiet facebook page which links to a site run by a guy who loves them so much that he's got a fund going for them to do another video.  There is much speculation that this is all a joke.  One line in the song goes, "Not a chance ("want a chance" ?) with you / I want to show you love / put myself in you."  After which point the singer takes one finger and shoves it back and forth between a circular opening of his thumb and fingers.  Based solely upon that (super happy keyboardist and shirtless bassist aside), I agree, it's gotta be a humorous ploy.  Regardless, it's totally worth hearing.  Do it now.

This concludes the day's entertainment!